My birthday always marks a good time for reflection. This has been the year of strength, humbling failures and gratifying successes.
In December of last year I left my soul-crushing job and dove head first into running my design studio. A studio that I’ve been lucky enough to sustain a few loyal clients that I love working with. But something was missing.
Moving to Copenhagen in late June was a strategic step in my career to experiment beyond the visual design I was so comfortable with. Working within strategy and helping companies innovate & thrive is where I wanted to be. The type of work I fell in love with whilst doing research in Finland 2009. The type of work that tugs at your heart strings.
It wasn’t until a comment on a photo of mine read “OMG – you’re living the dream” did it dawn on me that whilst I felt like at any moment I could break from the constant uphill battle, to the outside world it appeared life was beautiful and flawless. I instantly felt like a fraud.
I know this topic has been discussed over and over again around the internet, but I feel the need to express myself here. Before leaving Vancouver I worked really hard to create a community where women support one another. And I want that to extend through this space. My hope is this transparency will resonate with at least one of you.
My life is only a tiny, tiny fraction of the pretty photos I share regularly with you. A few weeks back I spent an ungodly amount of time working on a presentation that I truly believe I put my heart into only to find out it just wasn’t good enough to make the cut. Rejection sucks, yes. However, these humbling failures have pushed me to rethink what it is I’m truly after. And to also be kind to myself. Some days just showing up and putting one foot in front of the other is good enough.
When we moved to Copenhagen we believed it would be a relatively easy and fun transition. Whilst we’ve had our share of fun days, I’d be lying if I said the fun outweighed not knowing where exactly we’ll be in a few months time. We’ve been living out of Airbnb’s, each of us with a carry-on in tow. We’ve been fortunate enough to stay in a handful of beautiful spaces, but gosh what I would do to sleep in our own bed again. To come home to familiarity is something I dearly miss. The uncertainty and discomfort of not knowing where in the world, literally, you’ll be living is scary. Enough to keep my very anxious self up at night and in tears some days.
But with that also comes the most genuine fulfillment I’ve ever felt in my life. I’m actually really doing something that scares me and not putting it on that “to-do” list one day when I’m ready. I’m living. I’m following my dreams despite the odds.
I’m welcoming 32 (thirty-two!!) with open arms and learning to embrace the journey ahead wherever that may be.
Liz Woodall says
I firmly believe you should follow your dreams. Who knows what the outcome may be-but much better to look back on life and say I’m glad I did that-rather than I wish I had xxx
Angel says
Allowing ourselves to be genuinely vulnerable can be terrifying, but it’s also the only way to get to true and genuine happiness. If you only read the first couple chapters in a book, you miss out on all the best. You have to go all in and it’s so inspiring to see you do that. Big life changes can be scary (I’m getting ready to take on another one…yikes), but sharing your story helps so many more than you know. I, for one, truly appreciate your transparency and am excited to see you excel at anything you pour your heart into. You inspire so many more than you know. 🙂
Lauren Page Kerr says
You have always been tenacious and have followed desires deep within yourself. Going against the grain and pushing past everyone else’s comfort zones. In my 29 years I have learned that living true to your own personal design that I believe God intends for us does not make for an easy life but despite critics and uncertainty boiling our blood it is as satisfying as you describe. Your writing and work is an inspiration and the transparency is sweetly humbling and warm. God bless and cheers to a divinely inspired successful year to come!!!
Mia McCurdy says
Ang, you are as wonderful a writer as you are a designer and photographer. I believe in you! And I enjoy watching this journey. Xx
Mia McCurdy says
Oh, and happiest of birthdays my friend. Tillykke!